No, I don’t want to hate

By Vladimir Huber

I felt the hatred pouring out of their mouths
as I felt their hearts spitting venom
am I so different that their reception needs that?
questions and more questions from a curious child

Why do I bother asking if nobody is listening?
why do I pretend that someday
somebody will see no difference among us all?
the innocence that got me in trouble, keeps on running wild

My heart was aching, my mind was shattered
I had all these dreams, all these illusions
they landed flat on their asses, as they had to
I lost my innocence like a fifteen year old does

Yes, even to the point of violence, the loss took place
I wasn’t even looking, still in my dreams
interrupting and talking, asking and commenting
and the event took place, yet, was it all for that?

I don’t want to hate, no, I don’t
I don’t want to look at others
and return what I feel is thrown at me
I don’t want to react, no, I don’t

How much longer can I hold these feelings of pain?
for how long will I stay centered
while the pain keeps on growing in my heart?
for how much longer will I keep asking questions
before I join the action?

My heart is timid, since it knows what it can do
my heart trembles at the sight of its own power
how long will I keep on fearing my own heart?
the power is there, will it be everywhere?

I don’t want to hurt others, just because I felt hurt
I don’t want to throw hatred back, it will hurt me
what did they see when they felt like that about me
about them, about us all? Am I not a mirror, am I?

The physicists talk about atoms dividing when they are seen
when nobody is watching, they remain still
the seer creates the reaction, or is it, the action?
so, who’s creating the action that created the hatred?

Yes, of course, I can be a pain in the ass
that’s no mystery or news to anybody
yet, is that a reason for hatred, and from day one?
what did they see, what did they see?

Accents can throw people off, or many types of differences, too
interrupting while others talk is not very White
and it’s neither middle class, oh, my God!
one no-no after the other
what are the bridge club members gonna say?

«Hey, if you don’t like it,
why don’t you go back to where you came from?»
It reminds me of the early seventies, when things were hot
it reminds me of the South, with Martin, Jesse, and Rosa, too

Memories of the distant past, very distant, very… are you sure?
It brings back to mind the visit through the South
through all the shrines of the Civil Rights struggle
many cities where the marches meant beatings, jail, and sometimes death

Where the law stood for one race, one culture, one ideology, under one God
and of course, all in the name of the Lord
what would he say if he were asked about the Klan using his name
to do the crimes they commit in the name of white Amerika and the Sacred Book?

I wonder, I just wonder, now in silence, it’s safer, way safer
it reminds me of Blacks and how they behave when there are White folks around
oh, boy, what a difference, and how well they act!
I guess you learn soon, I can’t believe how dumb I was!

It’s the price of innocence, believing that we are all the same
I guess I have heard too many pop songs
about the brotherhood and sisterhood of all beings
like I said, I can’t believe how innocent I was!

So, I’m thankful for the experience, it was very grounding
to the point that I have understood the rules
the ones Aftab kept on asking about, are not the ones I had understood
now they are clear, and you better follow them, boy
or you’ll get your ass kicked, as you already did

Michael Jackson spends millions on surgery and treatments to get a lighter skin
all Blacks straighten their hair, since White Amerika does not accept it as it is
Michael, Michael, now he looks so much like Diana Ross
of course, after she got her surgery done

I don’t blame him, it’s just that I don’t have his money to get my job done
OK, OK, so I don’t need it, yet I could pay speech teachers
to get rid of my accent, would I be better accepted if I talked nice-nice?
I don’t know what to try in order to be accepted, what a dilemma!

If I was dark I could try pills and lotions for the skin
if my hair was kinky, I could try lotions and other chemicals to turn it straight
if I was…, I don’t know, what can I do to be accepted as White and middle class?
then, again, if I am hated because I interrupt
and talk about the taboos of White Amerika, wow, what an honor!

Actually, I shouldn’t talk about religion and politics
and, oh, my God, much less about sex in a frigid, class-oriented, materialistic society
or as they say here as a slogan, in a God-fearing country
wow, Madison Avenue does it again!

Does anybody know what I am talking about?
actually, I doubt it, since most of the knowledge here
comes from books, lectures, fancy words, and some memorization
yet, the fear of life is so palpable, it makes my skin crawl

The foolishness became too apparent when I got attacked
OK, so it happens in the best of families, yet they are usually smarter
rule number one on the street, or if you want to get fancy
in military training, or martial arts, or whatever you want
you never move a finger against somebody you don’t know

So, like children all too eager to run to the finish line
the bullies came against me, not knowing who I was
the noise was apparent, the hatred was the dressing to give it a little taste
the taste was bitter, the mirrors too obvious for no one to see

The Tao Te King says the real warrior crosses the enemy lines
without anyone noticing that he has gone through
the enemy doesn’t know where he is, could he be the enemy within?
that’s the only one holding me down, if that’s the case

Whatever happened has been my own creation, as the physicists say
I accept responsibility for it all, yet I do have to change my ways
so, going underground is one step
another is changing the way I talk and the topics I use
they are definitely not the proper ingredients for a wholesome atmosphere

Oh, so much to learn, so much to change, so little time, so much pressure
yet, one day I’ll be able to go home and tell my mother
that all her efforts weren’t in vain, they did pay off
I’ll say, «momma, can you see how White I look, I talk, I walk?»

And her eyes, full of tears going down her cheeks, will look at me
in the way that only she can do, and she’ll tell me:
«my son, you have made us proud, you almost look like if you were from there»
we’ll embrace, savoring the moment of the first family member to be a proper man

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I pray to the mountain

By Vladimir Huber

I pray to the mountain that
I may heal my mind and my heart
that my thoughts may lead me
to a peaceful place in my heart
that my heart may heal its wounds
so bitterness, regret, pity, sadness
may just be memories of a distant past
yet not baggage loading my back

I pray to the mountain that
I may stand erect
free of fears and worries that make me
bend my dignity, begging for mercy

I pray to the mountain that
I may accept my freedom
in all its splendor, joy, sensual laughter
so my heart and mind may be at peace
in a body moving with dignity
standing erect
Amen

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Jokes and birds

By Vladimir Huber

Surrounded by them, you feel comfortable
you smile and tell jokes
you turn around and give the right answer
knowing that the audience will clap and laugh

Feeling secure on a carton stage
to fly sometimes is not enough
because we can try to escape
but even that from ourselves is not impossible
yet sooner or later we know it’s all in vain

A bird went to a mountain
looking for the peace he couldn’t find at home
the eagles told him to think about the surrounding
«there is a place and a moment for everything,» they said
«yes, but how do I know
when and where I have to be?,» he answered

«You ask too much, my friend
listen a little more
and you won’t need to be so curious,» the oldest eagle told him

Feeling not so well understood
he went to more familiar areas

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A step in your life

By Vladimir Huber

A silence
might say more
than a thousand words
A flower, more than a tree
It all depends
on how we feel, look
or perceive the image

Clouds and rain
people and rains
all looking for the same
in each other’s own way

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Hard and painful

By Vladimir Huber

The snow falls down
the ice is gradually breaking inside
the real people start to come out
after long years of hiding

The snow covers everything
with a warm feeling of understanding
I couldn’t take it anymore
tension and aggression usually walk together

TM gives me a hand
and tells me not to forget
where there is a weakness
there is an opportunity for twenty minutes
of inner finding and relaxation

When I talk about it, people laugh
it’s too simple for rational minds
it sounds too good and too easy
Things have to be hard and painful
in order to sound real

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Union and dependency

By Vladimir Huber

We hide every movement
We pretend nothing matters
Grown up people, behaving like adolescents

In a fake world, we are acting normal
if we say something
we mean something else

Are you surprised?
What’s puzzling your mind?
I know it’s not normal to be so close
in such a short time
so, you feel strange

Everybody is separated from itself
and looking for the union in others
There is where the whole thing fails
and when it works
it’s somehow a way of avoiding
the search for that internal union
So, the union can only be found alone?
No, I don’t think so
but dependency can’t be considered as union
‘cause, only when the internal union has been found
we can talk about a union
with somebody else.

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Islands and cheese

By Vladimir Huber

Sometimes when you try to open your heart
your hands and shoulders are stiff
used to be an island
isolated from the rest

The heart tries to keep a balance with the mind
but usually the mind is stronger
used to program
because I’ve been fed like a computer

Lions, people, music playing
for some, part of a show
for others, just life passing by
in a soft way, as wished

The milk, nuts, the water and the cheese
all rolling over, helping to communicate
the gesture of love and finding
an impossible act for most, an island’s stamp

The foam is on the surface
if you dive in, you drink the real thing
it’s not easy, but to remain as an island
is selfish and also not nice, my girl

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Soft and loud

By Vladimir Huber

Because I talk soft
I prefer not to talk from too far
Why should I be loud
if I feel more comfortable
relating with people in a soft way?

Loudness is a way of hiding an internal weakness
since I don’t want to hide my weaknesses
or try not to, because I do, anyway
why should I put a curtain over my uncertainties?

Maybe if I let the air refresh my soul
I can let my mind and heart
get fresher and renewed

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The begging child

By Vladimir Huber

Beg, beg, sweet little child
for someone who’s so far from you
for someone who doesn’t have
the courage to be with the one she loves

Begging is the story of mankind
going from one master to the next
people are getting tired of that and rebelling
Indians and Negroes, Asians and the poor ones
don’t want a boot on their necks any longer

That way this little child feels
when he has to beg for someone he loves
Maybe he should give her time to realize
‘cause even though she knows
family pressure and circumstances
don’t advise her to join the one she wants

Sad to see young people preferring security
over adventures and love
even if it’s not with the house
the kids and the whole bit
While I see kids dying for their ideals every day
it makes me sad to think of her
just waiting for sunsets and singing birds

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Plenty of time

By Vladimir Huber

There is plenty of time to hurt each other
We have the rest of our lives
to do with ourselves and the rest of the people
whatever we want
‘cause remember, brother, that we are free

We live in this occidental paradise
where we are all equal
and where we all care for each other
not because somebody tells us
but because it comes from within

Do you recall the scream of starving children?
Do you remember when they stepped on your mother
just because she was a dirty black or yellow
or didn’t agree with the King’s religion?
Maybe you were too little then
I’m not saying you have grown up, but at least
your body has become larger
and that’s what counts at the end
Isn’t it?

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